It has rained, rained, and rained some more. It has rained so much that the satellite has gone on a semi-permanent fritz. This has actually been a good thing. The mind control device in my living room has done less mind control this week.
I apologize for blogger laziness. Contrary to popular belief it has not been a slow news cycle, I am just a bit schizoid about wanting to blog/chronicle.
In recent news, (Scary) D put the car into reverse as I was taking in the groceries recently. (Scarier) The driver's side door was open and he was in the front seat. (Sheer horror) There was nothing that could be done other than to scream, "Stayinthecar, STAYINTHECAR, HOLD ON TIGHT, DON'T LET GO!" While the family suburban backed down the driveway, crossed the street, bounded over the curb and onto the sidewalk and finally colliding with my neighbors retaining wall. At which point, I streaked across the street like the Human Torch and D put the car into D for DRIVE. I leapt into the car, shoving my dare-devil child into the passenger side and returned the death trap to the driveway. And upon stepping out on the grass, I collapsed into a mushy pile of frightened mama bits complete with wailing.
I would like to thank God for reminding me that life is precious, while simultaneously sparing me a life of guilt and torture considering that the street and the sidewalk were unusually devoid of traffic, children, or pets.
I would like to thank, Jesus, for giving me superpowers which set my mothering tones to stun so that D did not move and actually responded with "Okay, Mama."
I would like also to thank all the behind the scenes guardian angels that assisted in the endeavor.
And finally, I would like to thank all the local news media who filled my head with all the horror stories of children who were done to death by the family car in similar situations, because I never would have thought to tell him to stay put.
For three days, D volunteered to anyone who happened by, "I crashed! I wrecked the car!" Great.